Monday 26 November 2018

on the maximal dose of prozac

The only effect is that I'm able to last longer, but it doesn't matter since I'm not getting any anyway.

Sunday 18 November 2018

on smoking

Developing a tobacco addiction is a great way to kill time. Present and future!

Saturday 17 November 2018

Thursday 15 November 2018

on photos

As I was going home, I walked past somebody's window and so I stole a peek inside. I saw the entire 1m x 0.5m fragment of the wall covered with photos of other people.

Whether it's a photo of you kissing that cutie in the mirror hanging over your bed, or the wallpaper of your girlfriends and you on the beach, or the photo of your loved one serving as a screen on your mobile, it marks the discrete difference between us.

It is a proof of your fundamentally humane ability to uphold relationships. It is a proof your fundamentally humane quality of being over time, connecting to your past.

I don't have either. I have no photos. The past is gone and I'm unable to see the future. It is much too overwhelming just to live in the present moment, becoming increasingly detached, because each remainder of how beyond the fringe I have gone already is too painful as it is.

And I'm not in those photos either. Just as I don't remember, I am not worthy of being remembered. 

She said, they will only miss you when you're gone. No, they won't even notice.

Friday 2 November 2018

on pride

Some time ago, there was the FIFA World Cup, featuring the national team of Poland. Their performance went according to the plan. Well, not so much: it went according to the pattern.

In the group stage, each team plays three games. And so, the pattern is:

the opening game [mecz otwarcia]
the all-in game [mecz o wszystko]
the honor game [mecz o honor]

A quick clarification: the opening game is simply so-called due to being the first that is played. This game is subsequently lost, hence it all comes down to the result of the second game: one about everything (namely, whether the team advances out of the group stage). Finally, that game also turns out to be a disgrace, so what is left is honor, basic dignity, perhaps we can win when it does not matter anymore. And we do. Last World Cup we deviated from this pattern (L-L-W) was in 1986 (well, we've only qualified for three of them ever since).

However, this year I've come across some of the international media commenting on the Polish team. They did not, however, utilize the terminology I proposed above, but a slightly different one. Namely, the last game was described by many as "playing for pride".

And with that, I disagree. Pride stands for the feeling of superiority to others. That it is a sin may not be a convincing moral evaluation, nevertheless, it seems negative in its nature.

The Polish team couldn't convince anyone of their superiority, even by winning. What they played for was basic dignity, or salvaging whatever remains were of it. They did not play for pride.

And I just fail to see the context in which pride of a mob (Polish supporters, in that instance) is a positive phenomenon. Which, of course, leads us to the most basic connotation with the word 'pride'.

It's OK to be gay (that one rhymes). But it is no valid reason for pride. You are not superior to others by the virtue of your sexuality - whether you are straight or not.

Does it take balls (pun intended) to come out? Yes, it does. But in this instance, one could feel superiority merely to those, who have been to afraid to do that. I don't think that's really the point. The pride experienced is the pride resulting from a brave act, not your sexuality`per se.

Feel free to demonstrate your sexuality, feel free to advocate for equality. Feel free to be proud of your actions, if you believe in free will. But I cannot sympathize with pride with something both abstract and independent of the agent (obvious symmetry potential, diy).