Friday, 7 June 2019

on pride again
Straight pride sounds absurd, of course, but you got me thinking there, Stephen. I experienced all of those due to being a man. Perhaps I should start male pride?

And as for a comment to the actual event. Yes, it was a homophobic attack. And if it, a single assault, makes news all over the world, then it seems like we're in a really, really good place already.

The more tolerance, the less tolerance for intolerance. LGBT has support of corporations. The culture war has been won already. I have no idea why there is still a pretense to fight on either side.

Saturday, 22 December 2018

on material memory

Memory is immaterial, and as such, it cannot be trusted. Hence, we try to materialize our memories.

The perfectly acceptable tier: how can I really know I was somewhere, if I don't have a memento from there?

Souvenirs: for a small fee, you are allowed to buy an item that proves the existence of your voyage, it may be a fridge magnet or a small elephant sold on the street by an immigrant; kitsch is welcome.

Also, (love) letters, unlike the items from the last tier, for reasons unknown. Provided you keep them well hidden.

The acceptable albeit uncommon tier: how can I really know I have eaten, if I don't save a receipt?

Those at least are free and easy to store, their problem is they still manage to generate mess, also, they get worn out. Still, it's a bit over-materializing already. You aren't supposed to arrive at a place where you would do it.

The tier for the hardcore: how can I really know I had given experience or mental state, if I don't have a hard copy referring to it on me?

Tattoos allow you to preserve whatever-you-want-to-have-preserved just like that. Just for the chosen few.

The red flag tier: how can I really know I had given experience when I'm supposed to move on?

Used condom [wrappers] and toothbrushes of your past partners. I have never heard of it, but it seems intuitively repulsive. There's something too private and physical about it. But the whole idea was about materializing the immaterial and private, it sounds exactly what we desire.

Sunday, 9 December 2018

on psychopathological dualism

So I'm watching Louis Theroux on Netflix, the episode about America's medicated kids, kids diagnosed with various psychiatric disorders. And he keeps asking, well, how much of it who the children is is due to their personality and how much is the disease's affliction.

But just as we dealt away with Cartesian dualism, we should abandon psychopathological dualism. Meaning, there is no personality suddenly overridden by an illness. There is one brain, and a mind emerging from that brain. Whatever happens, is in the soup.

I have depression in the way I have two arms. It's not that some chemicals just turned bonkers but there's some Real Me underneath, simply clouded by depression. No, it's the same eintopf. Getting rid of depression means changing who I am, not uncovering some platonic fucking ideal.

And I'm doing bad enough, that I don't mind, I don't care about whatever virtues come with depression (say, intelligence - but purely as a correlation, not a causation, there cannot be causation, see above) I don't mind being changed by the medicines or therapists, I am willing to become someone else because I just can't live with myself.

Wednesday, 5 December 2018

on reasons to stay alive

Let's imagine there are two dream jobs I have. I would like to be either a musician or a writer. I will be perfectly happy being a full-time musician. I won't mind in that case not becoming a writer. And vice-versa. On the other hand, a job as a computer scientist would not satisfy me.

Now, say I announce to be a writer. It would be odd to receive feedback along the lines of "but imagine how much you could achieve as a musician, how can you sacrifice that?"

Now, let's take it up an existential notch.

There are things I want to achieve. Pursuing them may well count as the titular reasons. And I also have a deathwish.

And the symmetry is there. If I accomplished certain goals pertaining to being alive, I wouldn't be upset about not fulfilling the drive to death. Corollary: I honestly couldn't care less about accomplishing anything in real life, if I chose to die (and the fact the dead can't care at all seems to strengthen my point). Those are two absolutely incompatible goals. I want to get better. I want to die. And I'm willing to act on either. It is that meek staying alive that is the absolute worst.

Up yours, Matt Haig.

Monday, 26 November 2018

on the maximal dose of prozac

The only effect is that I'm able to last longer, but it doesn't matter since I'm not getting any anyway.

Sunday, 18 November 2018

on smoking

Developing a tobacco addiction is a great way to kill time. Present and future!